Poetry
Newsgroup
Trolls


______ The rec.arts.poems and alt.arts.poetry.comments newsgroups have long been infected by the presence of trolls. Consistent with the nature of these unpleasant beasts, their constant puerile demand for attention compels them to "morph" into different identities ("sockpuppets" or "socks") in a pathetic attempt to circumvent killfiles. The three most infamous of these are:

Charles S. Lysaght

______ Chuck has a number of nicknames earned during his years of servitude to others within the newsgroups: Chuckles (the Clown), "UpChuck Lysol", etc. In addition, he has posted using, among others, these sockpuppet names:

Janet Santana
Jethro's Giant Brain

______Chuckles is the base by which all intelligence is measured, in factors (similar to the Richter Scale). In addition to his other "charms" is the well-established fact of his plagiarism. He has won not one but two uncoveted Usenet Kook Awards: "Kook of the Month, September 2003" and "Order of the Holey Sockpuppet".

Tom Bishop

______ As pathetic as Chuckles is, Tom Bishop (aka "Tommy Two-Face", "the Tommygummer", "Tommy Tosser", etc.) takes hopelessness to its logical nadir. By far the most persistent of witless trolls, Tommy changes sockpuppets (and, though not as voluntarily, ISPs) almost daily in his desperate quest for attention from serious contributors. His obnoxious and criminal nature gives him the unique distinction of qualifying simultaneously for both Most Wanted and Least Wanted posters. In one month his myriad sockpuppet names (list courtesy of PJR) included:

Malted Bevis
Master Po
Mister Niice
Rikky Rooster
UPOY Loves You
Usenet Official
What Rhyme is it?
Rhyme for change?
jr shernan
Rhyme Runner
Rudyard Dickinson
Dr. Wilde
Ralph Waldo Frost
Robert Eliot
Robert Pope Jr.
Lord Byron
Dr. Dickinson Jr.
Pablo Dickinson
Gerard Hopkins
Rim Rhymer
Malted Bevis
Pablo Milton
Robert Blake
Thomas Blake III
Rikky Rooster
Lord Thomas
Oscar Yeats
Carl Cummings
O HuuRuu
Master Po
Gerard Poe
Dr. Suess
MDP Intro Guy
Wilhelm Sharpspare
Edgar Allan Wilde
Hard to Nail
What did you say?
Mr Niice

______As difficult as it is for the rest of us to believe, Tommy actually thinks that these sock names, along with his illiterate babbling, are entertaining. His efforts have earned him at least one Usenet Kook Award so far: "Golden Killfile, April 2004".

Yyyiiinnnggg

______ As incoherent, illiterate, ignorant and imbecilic as Tom Bishop and Charles S. Lysaght are, they would have to be considered on a par with Yeats compared to our man, Yyyiiinnnggg. Easily the most boring of the three trolls listed here, Yyyiiinnngg is also the most prolific, proving an old rule of Usenet: "Those with the least to say, say the most.


______ Ignore these three trolls. Don't open their messages. Don't respond to their remarks if you see them appended to other messages. They aren't worth your time.

The Book of Trolls
Click here to read The Book of Trolls.